i'm seriously considering calling off the wedding. things have been so rushed and im so spaced out that i havent even thought about writing, let alone blogging, but i need to vent...anonymously.
it hurts so bad that people still judge me on the basis of my phyical appearance and stamp me 'wanting'. wtf is that? well actually, i guess its the story of every woman's life...the struggle for acceptance, to be something beyond her body and its possibilities.
today i realised something. the will to lose weight has died in me, simply because i have learned to accept my body the way it is, and i have learned why it is as it is. but of course, that's impossible for people to imagine. i know the health risks, so please don't read them out to me. i have a healthy lifestyle, i get good food and exercise moderately, but i still happen to be obese. okay so i dont shop all that much anymore and i long to be able to do so, but on the whole i feel safe like this.
i learned that i do blame my fiancé to some extent. for not being able to (or wanting to?) tell his folks to back off and leave me in peace. there's only three effing months to the wedding, if it ever takes place, and they still dont want to get to know me. only weight talk. under all the waffle and schmaltz.
okay im not good enough for your perfect son. but guess what? in your eyes, no woman is.
i give up. whats the point in even trying?